So it is said that everything changes. For the most part I agree, there are somethings that don't change whether it is good or bad. This post isn't to refute or support that, however, I was thinking more about how change is usually inevitable and what it means. Change can suck, but it can also be good.
I'm not a big fan of change, or at least I haven't been for most of my life. I like knowing that something or someone is there for me and no matter what will be. Unfortunately change can change that. Change takes things away, whether it be by changing the feeling of someone you love and taking him or her away or whether it be by your favorite restaurant closing. When you lose something yes you do have great memories, maybe it be a special moment, a kiss perhaps. And yes you can play that moment in your head an infinite amount of times. The thing is, you miss it. Missing something is one of the most frustrating things in life especially when there is no chance of bringing what you miss back. This is why change can suck. Change creates the frustration of missing some time in your life, or something, or someone.
What I realized today is that you can take change optimistically too. If things are going bad you can realize that things always change. Usually when people think about how change affected them when they are sad it makes things worse, they begin to miss things. But what I'm saying is take it the other way. Things will change again, things will become better. Just as change takes someone you love away it can add a new someone you love into your life. All the things it can take it can also add.
Yes change can suck. But before you start hoping the sun doesn't rise and things stay the same, remember change can bring good. And it does.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Hard but Sure vs. Easier yet Questioning
When you have a problem in life I've noticed there are two main types of things that happen. Now when I say problem, I don't mean what to wear to school. I'm talking about a problem that will affect you fairly strongly. One situation is knowing what is right, but knowing it is a hard task. The other is having options that may not be as difficult in the first situation, but it is not clear which option will make things better for you.
In the "easy yet questioning" situation, I find things harder to deal with. If you don't pick the right course of action you might end up losing something or someone you really care for. Situations like this create the weekends where I wake up thinking about it, sit around all day talking to people about it, and go to bed still thinking about it. I always think about it for as long as possible and go back and forth about 13 trillion times before my decision is made in the moment it has to be made based off where I am at that moment. While it may not be hard to do whatever the decision is, the decision could mean failure and hurt. I am the type of person who cares a lot about each thing and especially each individual person in my life. This leads me to analyze these situations for so long that it drains me and no matter what happens, the situation will have hurt me.
The "hard but sure" situation is the one that I would almost always rather have. I like having the directions laid out for me, even if they are difficult ones to follow. Yes these situations make me think and talk to friends about it too, but in the end I know what I must do is for the better. I've had friends come to me saying, I know that I can't talk to him right now, that waiting like he said will make things alright, but I just can't do it. I tell them to fight. That's mostly what these things take, is fight. That's something I have pumping through my veins and something that lives in my heart. I'm the kid who plays until the clock says 0:00 no matter what the score. That's why the situations are easier for me. I do believe that everyone can through any hard time, it just may require more outside motivation for some. At least in this you have a sense of what will make things right.
Some problems in life are just not easy. It's plain and simple. But for me at least, I would rather have directions that require a lot of fight than to leave it up to lengthy thinking about what could possibly help.
In the "easy yet questioning" situation, I find things harder to deal with. If you don't pick the right course of action you might end up losing something or someone you really care for. Situations like this create the weekends where I wake up thinking about it, sit around all day talking to people about it, and go to bed still thinking about it. I always think about it for as long as possible and go back and forth about 13 trillion times before my decision is made in the moment it has to be made based off where I am at that moment. While it may not be hard to do whatever the decision is, the decision could mean failure and hurt. I am the type of person who cares a lot about each thing and especially each individual person in my life. This leads me to analyze these situations for so long that it drains me and no matter what happens, the situation will have hurt me.
The "hard but sure" situation is the one that I would almost always rather have. I like having the directions laid out for me, even if they are difficult ones to follow. Yes these situations make me think and talk to friends about it too, but in the end I know what I must do is for the better. I've had friends come to me saying, I know that I can't talk to him right now, that waiting like he said will make things alright, but I just can't do it. I tell them to fight. That's mostly what these things take, is fight. That's something I have pumping through my veins and something that lives in my heart. I'm the kid who plays until the clock says 0:00 no matter what the score. That's why the situations are easier for me. I do believe that everyone can through any hard time, it just may require more outside motivation for some. At least in this you have a sense of what will make things right.
Some problems in life are just not easy. It's plain and simple. But for me at least, I would rather have directions that require a lot of fight than to leave it up to lengthy thinking about what could possibly help.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
A Sad End, but my Beginning
I sat on the varsity bench yesterday in Bensalem, in my polo shirt and jeans taking in a night that I will never forget. This night was meant for me to learn, to get me ready for what I will hopefully be doing next year and the year after. It did just that. As I made my facebook status that night, I "will never forget the game, the sights, the sounds, the atmosphere, and mostly the emotion of tonight."
It was a night where I didn't really want to be a presence, I was there more to sit back and take it all in. I did just that. In the locker room before the game I watched how everyone prepared and then listened to every word Nolan and the rest of the coaches spoke. With 30 minutes on the clock the team went out to get some shots up for 7 minutes before coming back for the real pregame speeches. Before everyone went out Coach Nolan told me and Timmy to stand behind the basket while they warmed up and to take it in, he said it's important for you guys to understand what is going on. So we went out and after a couple minutes Bensalem came out too. This is when I began to realize that I did need to have this experience before I could play in a game like this myself. When Bensalem came out I was scared and nervous and I was to play no role in this outcome. Their team was huge and athletic and much more intimidating in person than they seemed on film. After all the warmups and stuff the game was about to begin and i noticed the crowd as they started to make noise. Noise that would not stop the whole game, and noise that would get three times as loud when they dunked twice. The game was unbelievable, emotional all over and one of the best games I have ever watched. That was very important for me, but the basketball IQ stuff can be talked about elsewhere. The important thing is the end because it affected the emotions at the end of the game and created images that I will never forget as long as I love.
We were down 5 with about 12 seconds when Hobson missed a three which was rebounded by Sean McGough who made one of the craziest shots I have ever seen. He turned around dribbled backwards three steps to the 3 pt line, jumped up, spun around, got fouled, and somehow made the shot. He missed the free throw which was rebounded by Brian Palmerer who missed a layup. That was rebounded by Sean whose layup barely rolled out and we lost by two. It almost brought me to tears and I was just there to watch.
The locker room after the game is really where I got to see some of the most important things, things that will remember every time I touch a basketball from now on. The words Nolan and the other coaches spoke will stick. So will the tears I saw in many an eye. As will the words still written on the board and everything else in that room.
There were two key moments though that were extremely powerful to me. The first was a conversation between Coach Wise and Sean McGough. Coach was telling him how he also had a shot like that in which he also missed. He said it will be there before you close your eyes at night and you will replay it in your head a million times. He said eventually one thing will change. Sean said jokingly, "It goes in?" Wise smiled and said, "No, but you realize the ball was in your hands. You didn't watch it, you had the chance yourself." This he means in a good way. Thank God for at least having that opportunity. They gave each other a hug and Sean walked away. Wise saw me standing there and turned and said, "I don't want to hug you like that. Not under these circumstances." I will do my best to make sure that it is different, that we are celebrating when we hug, not dealing with a loss.
The second moment was with the other McGough twin, Kevin. Here is a text i sent my friend on the bus going home referring to this moment: "His eyes. The tears. The look he gave me when he put out his hand and said Kevin Cox you got it next year." I almost cried looking him in the eyes as he spoke those words with red rings around his eyes himself.
All the emotion of that locker room has prepared me so much for my future. This was one of the most powerful nights of my life. My turn is coming soon and I know that night will be twice as emotional when it is the end for me too.
It was a night where I didn't really want to be a presence, I was there more to sit back and take it all in. I did just that. In the locker room before the game I watched how everyone prepared and then listened to every word Nolan and the rest of the coaches spoke. With 30 minutes on the clock the team went out to get some shots up for 7 minutes before coming back for the real pregame speeches. Before everyone went out Coach Nolan told me and Timmy to stand behind the basket while they warmed up and to take it in, he said it's important for you guys to understand what is going on. So we went out and after a couple minutes Bensalem came out too. This is when I began to realize that I did need to have this experience before I could play in a game like this myself. When Bensalem came out I was scared and nervous and I was to play no role in this outcome. Their team was huge and athletic and much more intimidating in person than they seemed on film. After all the warmups and stuff the game was about to begin and i noticed the crowd as they started to make noise. Noise that would not stop the whole game, and noise that would get three times as loud when they dunked twice. The game was unbelievable, emotional all over and one of the best games I have ever watched. That was very important for me, but the basketball IQ stuff can be talked about elsewhere. The important thing is the end because it affected the emotions at the end of the game and created images that I will never forget as long as I love.
We were down 5 with about 12 seconds when Hobson missed a three which was rebounded by Sean McGough who made one of the craziest shots I have ever seen. He turned around dribbled backwards three steps to the 3 pt line, jumped up, spun around, got fouled, and somehow made the shot. He missed the free throw which was rebounded by Brian Palmerer who missed a layup. That was rebounded by Sean whose layup barely rolled out and we lost by two. It almost brought me to tears and I was just there to watch.
The locker room after the game is really where I got to see some of the most important things, things that will remember every time I touch a basketball from now on. The words Nolan and the other coaches spoke will stick. So will the tears I saw in many an eye. As will the words still written on the board and everything else in that room.
There were two key moments though that were extremely powerful to me. The first was a conversation between Coach Wise and Sean McGough. Coach was telling him how he also had a shot like that in which he also missed. He said it will be there before you close your eyes at night and you will replay it in your head a million times. He said eventually one thing will change. Sean said jokingly, "It goes in?" Wise smiled and said, "No, but you realize the ball was in your hands. You didn't watch it, you had the chance yourself." This he means in a good way. Thank God for at least having that opportunity. They gave each other a hug and Sean walked away. Wise saw me standing there and turned and said, "I don't want to hug you like that. Not under these circumstances." I will do my best to make sure that it is different, that we are celebrating when we hug, not dealing with a loss.
The second moment was with the other McGough twin, Kevin. Here is a text i sent my friend on the bus going home referring to this moment: "His eyes. The tears. The look he gave me when he put out his hand and said Kevin Cox you got it next year." I almost cried looking him in the eyes as he spoke those words with red rings around his eyes himself.
All the emotion of that locker room has prepared me so much for my future. This was one of the most powerful nights of my life. My turn is coming soon and I know that night will be twice as emotional when it is the end for me too.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A Little Extra Time
So it turns out that my season was not over as soon as i thought. In fact the the day that i wrote my last blog about it being over, i got a call at about 9 pm from Coach Nolan. He asked for me to practice with the varsity as they prepare for their district game which is tomorrow. No I did not gain an extra game, but the practice time i got this week and the experience of being at the game (and close to it; may be on the bench, not sure) have and will help me.
The point of this was for me to get a feel for what varsity basketball is like. I will be competing for the starting point guard spot next year and this has and will help me to be able to achieve my goals and be prepared. Who knows what will happen with that, all i know is that i will do my best to win that job and to help win basketball games for Great Valley.
Just as i began to mourn the loss of this season, one call, a call much happier than the others i had previously that sunday night, gave me a little more of what i love...another week of basketball.
The point of this was for me to get a feel for what varsity basketball is like. I will be competing for the starting point guard spot next year and this has and will help me to be able to achieve my goals and be prepared. Who knows what will happen with that, all i know is that i will do my best to win that job and to help win basketball games for Great Valley.
Just as i began to mourn the loss of this season, one call, a call much happier than the others i had previously that sunday night, gave me a little more of what i love...another week of basketball.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
The Worst Part of a Season: The End
No matter how the season ends, whether it be with a loss (as it usually is) or with a victory and a championship, the worst part of every season is the end. Winning it all does make it much more enjoyable. However at the end of every season I find myself either in tears or very close to it for how much I am going to miss what has been an extremely large part of my life over the part few months.
Even if you and your teammates have an unsuccessful season, there are many things to miss. The most obvious is just playing the game. My last JV basketball game was on Friday (a loss to Rustin). I already miss the game. Every day I looked forward to basketball. Even practice. I didn't care how much we had to run or whatever, I love playing the game and that is why i started to miss it the second the clock hit 0:00 on Friday night. Yes there is next year and the off season. It is exciting because i am about to be a varsity basketball player, but i will miss my JV season.
The part that really gets to me, that brings me to tears because i miss it the most is the loss of a family that you have gained. It may be cliche or overstated, but your team is your family. Day in and day out you spend a couple hours with that group of people. This includes your teammates as well as your coach by the way. Not only are you spending time with them, but you are giving everything you have to work toward a common goal. Your sweat and blood is put into the same thing. And i do mean blood. You can take a look at my shoes or my practice jersey and see that. Ultimately you are brought together in a way unimaginable to those who haven't experienced it. The end of the season is where i realize how much i loved spending time playing a game that i love with my teammates and coach, who are now family.
I hate the end of a season. I miss all the great things about a team. I'll miss getting yelled at for turnovers and all those things that don't seem enjoyable. I miss this, but i will never forget the things i have learned and i will make sure i keep my teammates and coach as friends.
The end of the season is also the beginning of the next however, and I have work to do before I can step out on that court next year as Coach Nolan's point guard, a varsity point guard.
Even if you and your teammates have an unsuccessful season, there are many things to miss. The most obvious is just playing the game. My last JV basketball game was on Friday (a loss to Rustin). I already miss the game. Every day I looked forward to basketball. Even practice. I didn't care how much we had to run or whatever, I love playing the game and that is why i started to miss it the second the clock hit 0:00 on Friday night. Yes there is next year and the off season. It is exciting because i am about to be a varsity basketball player, but i will miss my JV season.
The part that really gets to me, that brings me to tears because i miss it the most is the loss of a family that you have gained. It may be cliche or overstated, but your team is your family. Day in and day out you spend a couple hours with that group of people. This includes your teammates as well as your coach by the way. Not only are you spending time with them, but you are giving everything you have to work toward a common goal. Your sweat and blood is put into the same thing. And i do mean blood. You can take a look at my shoes or my practice jersey and see that. Ultimately you are brought together in a way unimaginable to those who haven't experienced it. The end of the season is where i realize how much i loved spending time playing a game that i love with my teammates and coach, who are now family.
I hate the end of a season. I miss all the great things about a team. I'll miss getting yelled at for turnovers and all those things that don't seem enjoyable. I miss this, but i will never forget the things i have learned and i will make sure i keep my teammates and coach as friends.
The end of the season is also the beginning of the next however, and I have work to do before I can step out on that court next year as Coach Nolan's point guard, a varsity point guard.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
This is Why we Fight
The most recent time period in my life has been great. I am very happy with what is going on in my life and what has been going on recently. I've been realizing that I was completely right during the period of time before that where i was hardly happy. I was right because I knew that if i fought through the bad time there were great things to come. And thank god I was right.
This year (meaning school year) things hadn't always been going so great. I hated the fall because all i did was fuck stuff up with 2 people (i think 2, but we are good friends now) that i liked and wish for basketball to come while going through off season workouts. Then things got worse as my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Then i messed things up with another person who i really liked, but that ended up being ok because we are such good friends now. And then basketball was finally here. We were hyped up to be the best JV team around and had thoughts of an undefeated season. Well that can't happen when you lose you're first game. And then start off 1-4.
So obviously things turned around since I'm happy now. And as usual it seems to parallel to sports. The team turned around. As of now, as i write these words, we have won 11 of our last 12, including a win over a team that the league thought nobody could beat, giving us a record of 12-5. During this time my mom beat cancer. She is a survivor. That's something i can forever brag about. The last thing that happened is also amazing. I have a girlfriend. Had her since January 18th officially and I'm loving it. It's a new experience to me, but one that i welcome. Today is her birthday and thanks to the snow i don't have a chance to celebrate it with her, but i will tomorrow for sure and i can't wait. Soon basketball will be over and that will make me really sad. I hate the end of a season, but i know i will still be happy overall because of her.
I love being right, yes this is true. But this is something that I LOVE being right about. Yes there are bad periods of time in everyone's life, and mine aren't over either. But i guarantee you that if you fight through them, things get good and it is damn well worth it.
This year (meaning school year) things hadn't always been going so great. I hated the fall because all i did was fuck stuff up with 2 people (i think 2, but we are good friends now) that i liked and wish for basketball to come while going through off season workouts. Then things got worse as my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Then i messed things up with another person who i really liked, but that ended up being ok because we are such good friends now. And then basketball was finally here. We were hyped up to be the best JV team around and had thoughts of an undefeated season. Well that can't happen when you lose you're first game. And then start off 1-4.
So obviously things turned around since I'm happy now. And as usual it seems to parallel to sports. The team turned around. As of now, as i write these words, we have won 11 of our last 12, including a win over a team that the league thought nobody could beat, giving us a record of 12-5. During this time my mom beat cancer. She is a survivor. That's something i can forever brag about. The last thing that happened is also amazing. I have a girlfriend. Had her since January 18th officially and I'm loving it. It's a new experience to me, but one that i welcome. Today is her birthday and thanks to the snow i don't have a chance to celebrate it with her, but i will tomorrow for sure and i can't wait. Soon basketball will be over and that will make me really sad. I hate the end of a season, but i know i will still be happy overall because of her.
I love being right, yes this is true. But this is something that I LOVE being right about. Yes there are bad periods of time in everyone's life, and mine aren't over either. But i guarantee you that if you fight through them, things get good and it is damn well worth it.
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