Today I recieved quite possibly the greatest compliment I will ever recieve as an athlete. It was what my coach said about what I had done that day as he adressed the team at the end of the game. It will stay with me forever.
First off, the game. I could tell as i warmed up to pitch before the game that I didn' t have my best stuff. As the game began, well let's just say that I was right. My curve was terrible and my changeup absolute shit. My fastball had decent velocity but I didn't have my best control. They hit the ball very hard early. Fortunately we hit the ball even better so we were never behind in this game. I had thrown 61 pitches through 2 innings however and I was wondering if there was any possible way to throw all 7 innings as I always love to do.
In the third, or maybe it was the fourth, our defense was poor and I had given up 7 runs. The final score was 10-7 us and I did throw a complete game as I had wanted too. After the second inning my arm was sore and after the fourht my body was drained and i had to grunt every pitch just to muster up enough energy to pitch. Every inning from the fourth on my coach asked, "are u okay to keep going?" and even though I never really was I continued to say yes so I could continue fighting for my teammates. I had to dig deep and just fight the whole game, and I am prooud to say I did just that.
I'm not the only one who notiecd that either. Many of my teammates commended me on the effort, and so did my coach. This is what he said about me after the game:
"he willed himself, after that inning when our defense fell apart, he willed himself to go and compete harder and he threw his best innings there at the end. That shows the true competitiveness from an athlete and his performence today was very commendable"
That is one of the greatest complimetns I have ever recieved. To be called a true competitor is just something that makes me so proud because it's the type of person that I love. one who fights and will fight for others as well, no matter what. In sports it's just the will to win, and nobody can question my will to win. As you'll see in my next post, my will to win turns into a willingness to fight for others as well.
A true competitor. Thank you, I'll never forget that.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Blogger
Today I got home from practice, hopped online and checked facebook as I usually do. I saw I had an honesty box message, which is always interesting. This one said something along the lines of more blog posts please.
This made me feel good because it's nice to know people actually read this and enjoy reading it and hearing about some things that I'm thinking about. Unfortunately I can't write everyday due to homework and other things that just keep me busy. I promise I'll write this weekend.
Also, and this comes because the message I got was anonomous, even if you don't know me feel free to talk to me about anything I have written. As the people who know me best understand, I love talking about anything, especially deeper things such as are posted on this blog. I'm sorry I don't always have time to pour things out on here, but always feel free to give me a call or whatever and talk to me about anything you want or feel the need too. I like being here for people, it's what I do.
This made me feel good because it's nice to know people actually read this and enjoy reading it and hearing about some things that I'm thinking about. Unfortunately I can't write everyday due to homework and other things that just keep me busy. I promise I'll write this weekend.
Also, and this comes because the message I got was anonomous, even if you don't know me feel free to talk to me about anything I have written. As the people who know me best understand, I love talking about anything, especially deeper things such as are posted on this blog. I'm sorry I don't always have time to pour things out on here, but always feel free to give me a call or whatever and talk to me about anything you want or feel the need too. I like being here for people, it's what I do.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Going Through the Motions
First of all some people may not know what "going through the motions" means so I'll start by explaining that. It's basically when you do things just to do them and don't have any real passion, energy, or focus being put into the action. I've heard it said by coaches over the years, to go through each drill with a purpose instead of going through the motions. Sometimes in life you go through a period of time where you just go through the motions.
This usually isn't fun. I'm kinda doing this now, but not fully. When it happens in life it is usually because you don't have much to look forward to in the near future or you don't understand what reason you have to be happy or excited. You get your schoolwork done but not to the best of your ability, or maybe you go to practice but don't work as hard as you can. Whatever you are doing, it isn't as fully satisfying as it could be. When this happens people are more so waiting for something to come along in their life than anything else.
Instead of waiting for something great to just come along, work hard to make other things improve. This may lead to that something great occurring as a result of your work. At the least it will keep you busy and make this period of time worth it.
Always remember at least that eventually something will come along and make your world exciting again. Soon enough an amazing person will walk into your life, or an exciting event will occur and change things, killing the apathy and making things exciting again.
This usually isn't fun. I'm kinda doing this now, but not fully. When it happens in life it is usually because you don't have much to look forward to in the near future or you don't understand what reason you have to be happy or excited. You get your schoolwork done but not to the best of your ability, or maybe you go to practice but don't work as hard as you can. Whatever you are doing, it isn't as fully satisfying as it could be. When this happens people are more so waiting for something to come along in their life than anything else.
Instead of waiting for something great to just come along, work hard to make other things improve. This may lead to that something great occurring as a result of your work. At the least it will keep you busy and make this period of time worth it.
Always remember at least that eventually something will come along and make your world exciting again. Soon enough an amazing person will walk into your life, or an exciting event will occur and change things, killing the apathy and making things exciting again.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Finally Broke
Today is the first day of my high school career in which I have stayed home sick. The thing is I didn't throw up like I told everyone. I finally broke. I couldn't handle it and I needed a day off. I'm not proud, I'm actually very upset at losing perfection.
I guess the real reason I'm home is to finish up my shit loads of schoolwork that I failed to complete last night. This being my math project and the next milestone for my research paper. But I look at it deeper than that. Why could i not finish my work last night? I have been one of the greatest procrastinators in the world and yet one day i just give up? I preach fighting on and yet one day I stop?
I find the reason to be that for the first time my heart has a big enough hole to end some fight in me. She wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't take me back as her friend. It's all I could think about last night and it's why eventually I had to go tell my mom, "look I can't do this, can i stay home from school?" After she told me yes and we talked a little I went back to my room. This is where I imagine someone would give the fist pump after having gotten out of work for a day. But this is where I broke down and cried. Part of it was losing perfection. Yeah I guess perfect attendance isn't that important, but it was to me because it was something almost nobody else could do and it was something that was perfect. That's part of why the tears rolled down my face, but the other reason is her. Not only did I fuck up bad, but its not going to go away until I fix it. I have to fix something that seems impossible to fix at this point because otherwise my life is going to be shit for a while.
I hope this hole in my heart either gets filled or at least grows smaller because I have promised myself, my cancer-surviving-mom, and the world that this is my last time giving up. The one who preaches fighting will fight on forever and will help you to fight too.
I guess the real reason I'm home is to finish up my shit loads of schoolwork that I failed to complete last night. This being my math project and the next milestone for my research paper. But I look at it deeper than that. Why could i not finish my work last night? I have been one of the greatest procrastinators in the world and yet one day i just give up? I preach fighting on and yet one day I stop?
I find the reason to be that for the first time my heart has a big enough hole to end some fight in me. She wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't take me back as her friend. It's all I could think about last night and it's why eventually I had to go tell my mom, "look I can't do this, can i stay home from school?" After she told me yes and we talked a little I went back to my room. This is where I imagine someone would give the fist pump after having gotten out of work for a day. But this is where I broke down and cried. Part of it was losing perfection. Yeah I guess perfect attendance isn't that important, but it was to me because it was something almost nobody else could do and it was something that was perfect. That's part of why the tears rolled down my face, but the other reason is her. Not only did I fuck up bad, but its not going to go away until I fix it. I have to fix something that seems impossible to fix at this point because otherwise my life is going to be shit for a while.
I hope this hole in my heart either gets filled or at least grows smaller because I have promised myself, my cancer-surviving-mom, and the world that this is my last time giving up. The one who preaches fighting will fight on forever and will help you to fight too.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Pretty Good Indicator
There's no way anyone could disagree that I miss her. The one who I'd love to go out with, but yet I know I have to be friends with her just from this morning. The way I know it's just about being friends is the fact that I'm being ripped to shreds just knowing I can't talk to her for one more day.
I have so much work that I need to get done. Yet the first thing that happens when I wake up is I feel like absolute shit as her name pops into my head and I see my phone that usually goes off 200 times a day thanks to her alone, knowing that her name won't light up there once today. Yesterday was the only time I thought I would cry about this, especially after I made the plans to talk to her at school. But know as I realize, shit I still can't focus on my god damn math project (yea math project, I agree wtf), I also realize she's why and who knows how upset I'm going to be today.
The only reason I got out of bed today is because I have to work on my project otherwise I won't sleep for a second tomorrow. I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to sleep until I could have a chance to further impress dimples on my best friend's face.
Another way you can start to understand how much this is bothering me: I wrote about it. Most of my blogs are about more universal feelings. I write about my current feeling less specifically so people can understand it happens a lot. This feeling may happen again, but this is the first time I have felt this. I can't help but make this one specific and that's why tomorrow morning I'm going to get my best friends back and tell her again we will be best friends forever and know in my mind that's also the only way we could ever be more. Plus I can't live without her in my life, and best friend is a pretty damn good place for her.
I have so much work that I need to get done. Yet the first thing that happens when I wake up is I feel like absolute shit as her name pops into my head and I see my phone that usually goes off 200 times a day thanks to her alone, knowing that her name won't light up there once today. Yesterday was the only time I thought I would cry about this, especially after I made the plans to talk to her at school. But know as I realize, shit I still can't focus on my god damn math project (yea math project, I agree wtf), I also realize she's why and who knows how upset I'm going to be today.
The only reason I got out of bed today is because I have to work on my project otherwise I won't sleep for a second tomorrow. I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to sleep until I could have a chance to further impress dimples on my best friend's face.
Another way you can start to understand how much this is bothering me: I wrote about it. Most of my blogs are about more universal feelings. I write about my current feeling less specifically so people can understand it happens a lot. This feeling may happen again, but this is the first time I have felt this. I can't help but make this one specific and that's why tomorrow morning I'm going to get my best friends back and tell her again we will be best friends forever and know in my mind that's also the only way we could ever be more. Plus I can't live without her in my life, and best friend is a pretty damn good place for her.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
A Tough Law
This is something that I don't think I will ever be able to accept, but it is a true thing. You can want something too much, and if in fact you do want it too much then the world or God won't let you have it.
I think the reason for this is that if you want something extremely badly, then your success in attaining it would make you too happy for the world to accept. The laws of the universe state that you cannot be that happy. Its not the level of the thing you want, its just your want that would make you so happy once having finally attained it. There may be something better out there for you, but gaining this possibly lesser thing would make you happier because you want it that badly.
I hate this law because of what is happening to me right now, as well as for other things that have happened and things I know will happen. But right now it's because there is a girl who I could have the perfect relationship with, but I can only be her "bestest friend." Yes she loves me, but not in the way I want, not in the way that would make my life so great it would break the laws of the universe. Right now we aren't even best friends because I broke down emotionally not being able to handle the fact that she still didn't like me the way I wanted. After crying continuously for 15 minutes because I kept remembering her saying, "You gave me dimples. I didn't have them before, but you make me smile that much," I realized that swallowing the pain is worth the love we share as best friends. And in this friendship that will last forever, who knows, maybe someday we will go out. But first I need to go regain that friendship which I will do in person the next morning in which we have school.
It's weird because people always tell you, "It's about how much you want it." But that's not true the way they mean it. Yes, you have to want something to get it and have it mean something, but if you want it too much then the world says no because your happiness would break the rules.
I think the reason for this is that if you want something extremely badly, then your success in attaining it would make you too happy for the world to accept. The laws of the universe state that you cannot be that happy. Its not the level of the thing you want, its just your want that would make you so happy once having finally attained it. There may be something better out there for you, but gaining this possibly lesser thing would make you happier because you want it that badly.
I hate this law because of what is happening to me right now, as well as for other things that have happened and things I know will happen. But right now it's because there is a girl who I could have the perfect relationship with, but I can only be her "bestest friend." Yes she loves me, but not in the way I want, not in the way that would make my life so great it would break the laws of the universe. Right now we aren't even best friends because I broke down emotionally not being able to handle the fact that she still didn't like me the way I wanted. After crying continuously for 15 minutes because I kept remembering her saying, "You gave me dimples. I didn't have them before, but you make me smile that much," I realized that swallowing the pain is worth the love we share as best friends. And in this friendship that will last forever, who knows, maybe someday we will go out. But first I need to go regain that friendship which I will do in person the next morning in which we have school.
It's weird because people always tell you, "It's about how much you want it." But that's not true the way they mean it. Yes, you have to want something to get it and have it mean something, but if you want it too much then the world says no because your happiness would break the rules.
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