Knots

August 14th I woke up at about 6:45 for some reason still under the assumption i couldnt write songs. as i was eating breakfast the chorus of this song just started coming to me so i put away my food ran upstairs grabbed my guitar and had this done in less than an hour. I had tried to write songs before and it never worked, but a really special person has given me this ability and so i owe this to her. thank you.
I dont feel like writing the chords and i obviously can put the tune here but id be happy to play this for anyone who wants to hear it and I might try to record it on a video later. Please enjoy:)

Knots

Every moment we spend from each other
You feel those knots, I feel them too
They say it's normal and, it's how you know this is real

(chorus)
Fall Fall Fall
Like on a roller coaster ride we fall together
Fall Fall Fall
Yea together you and I we fall for each other
Yea we fall

And then you tell me, you said, you're fallin hard for me
And I was happy to say, I feel the same for you
And like I do, I start to think about you.
And I conclude

CHORUS

And so I conclude, yea those knots we feel, they feel like Fallin
So when they're gone, that when we know that we are done Fallin
And you might say, that you don't wanna stop
But I promise you, that you do

CHORUS

And so you ask, Why should i wanna stop Fallin
And the answer is so simple
When they're gone then we are,
In love

MLB

It's been a while since I've been on here, but hopefully that won't happen again.

Anyways, today the media says Ortiz and Ramirez tested positive for 'roids in '03. Here's what I say: I don't give a fuck. It's not because now its the Red Sox, my boys. It's because I have heard it so much about this person or that person using steroids. Slow news day? Let's reveal a name or two.

If so many people are using steroids then it's not much of an advantage anymore. And besides it still takes a good swing to hit one out. Alex Sanchez used steroids, heard of him? He hit 6 career home runs. No typo there, SIX. So should we asterisk his career numbers?

I don't think they should asterisk anyone. I don't think Pete Rose should be out of baseball. I don't care if he gambled, he has the most career hits of anyone. Ever. Put him in the hall of fame. Put Sammy Sosa there, put Mark McGwire there, put Palimero, when it's time put Barry Bonds there.

No I am not saying it's okay to use steroids. I'm just saying using is a personal choice. I don't think people should use 'roids. I don't recommend they dip, smoke cigs, smoke weed, snort crack, even drink. But people do. Oh well I don't care. They suffer already and so do steroid users. Put them in the Hall, it's the game now whoopdyfuckin do. Stop talking about it cuz I don't give two shits anymore.

Relay for Life

Yesterday I went to my first Relay for Life. This was my first because I was given the reason to participate after my mom was diagnosed with and beat cancer. If i had one word to describe the day yesterday it would probably be perfect.

First off, the day is fun. You get to hang out with tons of friends for a long time. There were games like volleyball going on all over the place. It was just so easy to have fun. Fun doesn't make a day perfect though, it's the combination of things within Relay for Life that make it so great.

Between the fun is the serious moment that can bring you to tears. The Survivor Walk and the luminary ceremony are the biggest things that to that, or at least did for me. Watching my mom walk with her purple shirt and then getting to walk with her was an unbelievable experience. The luminary ceremony was a great way to top off the day finishing on a serious note that allows you to talk with friends about what you feel. After talking to two friends throughout a couple laps they had to go and as they did another one of my good friends came running up to me and gave me a hug. She and I both cried during the embrace and as sad as that may seem, it's those moments that made yesterday so amazing. We talked for a while sitting in front of my mom and grandfather's luminaries, again one of those sad but perfect moments. She had to go eventually and I found one more friend for a last couple laps and a nice talk. It was just so nice to have all those people there to talk to, to spend time with, and to make great moments and memories with.

Without a doubt I'll be doing this again next year, trying to top the high donation our team had this year with an even greater number. I'll have more fun and more conversations during those serious times, making more moments that make you wish you could freeze time and stay there forever as I had wished yesterday.

Fear

First off I want to sincerely apologize for my lack of writing lately. Hopefully I can get it going again now.

The other day I was thinking about what fear is and i think I have come to a good conclusion. Fear can be negative or positive, but either way it serves one main purpose and is created one way.

It's created by your own mind. Fear doesn't come from another thing, it comes because you don't feel okay about whatever that thing is for whatever reason, whether it be past experiences, things you have heard, or things you have made up in your mind. If you decide not to be scared, it can be done.

So what does fear essentially do? It's a stopper. I say it's good or bad because it can stop you from doing dumb shit, but it can also stop you from having fun and/or success. Fear can stop you from jumping off a thirty nine story building, and that's the good use of fear. (For those of you that don't understand, just don't do that. It may cause some issues for you.) The bad thing is that it can stop you from taking a risk that may turn out very well for you. For example, you don't ask out that person because you are scared of what they will say. Well "no" may hurt, but it won't for too long while "yes" may make you smile for a long time. Fear can stop you from being able to hit a baseball, it can just stop success.

Fear is yet another example of that gray pro/con type thing that life is. It's a balance of positives and negatives, but in this case you can get over it. You can beat fear if you want, and who knows what happiness that could bring.

Running Out of Time

This is not blog about the book running out of time which is mysteriously similar to the movie the village, so don't worry. In all seriousness though, I feel like I'm running out of time. It's not that I'm going to die soon, but I feel I don't have much time left for some things that i love.

I had a conversation with my dad yesterday about college and options for sports to play and stuff like that. It made me realize that in two years I will graduate high school and lose so many of the things and opportunities that I have come to love. There will be no more coaches telling me I could return kicks for them and there will be no more thoughts of, hey I could play football. There won't be thoughts about what it would be like to run track instead of baseball. In two years I will have made decisions, that will have all happened, and for the rest of my life all I will have is memories.

This also adds pressure in my mind. I can't change what I do in the next two years once it's done. I won't have the chances I have now ever again, and I absolutely don't want to fuck something up by making a decision that takes away from me getting everything out of these chances that I can. when all I have left is memories, I want those memories to be great, to make me smile whenever I reminisce.

After two years are up there won't be chances to go to states with my best friends at Chester Valley. When the tournament comes, two little mistakes and you may never get another chance to fulfill a dream. For some reason this isn't enough to motivate some people, to make some people try their best and do everything they can to have success. I don't understand that at all. Not giving a shit about a game is a disappointment to myself. There isn't that much time left to have fun doing some of these things we love to do so give it your all. Make the most of every moment because soon enough all you will have is a memory.

R.I.P. Harry Kalas, I Miss You Already

Today around noon one of the greats was lost, Harry Kalas, announcer for the Philadelphia Phillies. The game will never be the same without Harry the K behind the mic. As my coach told me today, I was blessed to hear Harry call baseball games.

I can already hear his voice ringing through the heavens. "Swing and a long drive, watch this baby, outta here! Home run..." and "Swing and a miss, struck him out" in that famous voice will play on in my head forever. His birthday wishes and wishes of good health to those dealing with sickness will also be missed during every Phils game. My whole life I've imitated his great calls and I will always, and now I can share the story of this great man.

I was shocked to hear of his death today and it has brought me to tears. He was a great man and idol who deserved all the recognition he received and more. He is a Hall of Famer where his plaque will forever hang. He tore down the final number replacing the number of Phillies games at the Vet with 0 as they moved into Citizens Bank Park. Harry got to add to his famous strike out call a World Series Championship call in his final full season. He died in a way I'm sure he wanted to, in the announcers booth getting ready to do what he loved, watch the Phils win.

Spring Break & the Final Push

All spring break I've been happy and I've been thinking about what spring break is and the push that's left until summer. Today is the final respite before the final push of my sophomore year, and naturally I use it to write about the important things that come to mind.

Spring break is a much needed break. I was running low on the fuel needed to complete the tasks school requires day in and day out and then finally there was spring break, giving me a chance to refuel and just be happy. Not only is spring break a much needed break, but it is a preview. Spring break is a preview of what is now within sight, summer. It's like a warm up to summer. The weather is warming up, there's less school work and time in school to be thinking about, and you are finding time to spend with friends and family. It's a little piece of a toned down summer put into early April and it's definitely enough to make you smile and be thankful. And this year the last day is a beautiful day and a wonderful holiday. My Easter was great food, nice gifts, family time, and the powerful reminder that my mom survived cancer. A great way to end a great week.

Now is also a day to look towards the future. Over the next two months plus we will be in school consistently for the fourth quarter. We are tired, we are fed up with school, we had summer dangled under our noses for the past week and now we want it all, but it's going to take a final clutch fourth quarter push before we can celebrate the arrival of summer. Even the first week is going to be a very tough challenge with most of us doing a research paper, and that's what most of this marking period will be: a challenge. The tough ones won't crack, the tough one's will still look toward the A's and say that's what I will get. Be a tough one, don't crack, and it will be well worth it come summer.

I hope everyone had a great break, now let's finish off this year strong and celebrate summer together.

Another Self-proof

So as I said in the last post, this is also about me being proud of myself for being what i preach. Now usually I'll give every detail and go very in depth about things, but this time I won't. I could sit here and write forever about the relationship I've had over the past 5 months with this very special friend. But I will not, I don't want to, it would be too hard. I'll give the important things so you can get an idea of what this means to me, but the rest will not be written.

5 months ago a person I barely knew of at all messaged me on facebook needing help with some problems about her ex-boyfriend and best friend. For the 5 months (from then until now) they did not talk. She needed a best friend and I was there for her always. We fought and were overemotional with each other all the time, but in the end I was there for her. She and her ex/ bestfriend are talking again now. I don't know what about or what type of friends they are, but they are talking and she isn't upset as she once was. Sometimes it was really hard for me to help her, it hurt me in many ways. Despite that I always fought through, telling myself she is well worth it and she deserves me to be there for her.

Recently we talked about this and she thanked me and siad that she can't explain how amazing I had been and how much it meant to her. I said how it feels cool to be what I preach, a fighter and someone who will fight willingly for someone else. She said yea you should be because you are exactly that. She said I had changed her life and thanked me again. I don't know how much we will talk anymore or anything like that, but I will always be proud that I could fill a gap for someone and fight for someone as I did. I want to thank her for allowing me to be that person for her, for putting the pressure on me; that's what I love and it feels great now.

"A True Competitor": The Highest Compliment

Today I recieved quite possibly the greatest compliment I will ever recieve as an athlete. It was what my coach said about what I had done that day as he adressed the team at the end of the game. It will stay with me forever.

First off, the game. I could tell as i warmed up to pitch before the game that I didn' t have my best stuff. As the game began, well let's just say that I was right. My curve was terrible and my changeup absolute shit. My fastball had decent velocity but I didn't have my best control. They hit the ball very hard early. Fortunately we hit the ball even better so we were never behind in this game. I had thrown 61 pitches through 2 innings however and I was wondering if there was any possible way to throw all 7 innings as I always love to do.

In the third, or maybe it was the fourth, our defense was poor and I had given up 7 runs. The final score was 10-7 us and I did throw a complete game as I had wanted too. After the second inning my arm was sore and after the fourht my body was drained and i had to grunt every pitch just to muster up enough energy to pitch. Every inning from the fourth on my coach asked, "are u okay to keep going?" and even though I never really was I continued to say yes so I could continue fighting for my teammates. I had to dig deep and just fight the whole game, and I am prooud to say I did just that.

I'm not the only one who notiecd that either. Many of my teammates commended me on the effort, and so did my coach. This is what he said about me after the game:
"he willed himself, after that inning when our defense fell apart, he willed himself to go and compete harder and he threw his best innings there at the end. That shows the true competitiveness from an athlete and his performence today was very commendable"

That is one of the greatest complimetns I have ever recieved. To be called a true competitor is just something that makes me so proud because it's the type of person that I love. one who fights and will fight for others as well, no matter what. In sports it's just the will to win, and nobody can question my will to win. As you'll see in my next post, my will to win turns into a willingness to fight for others as well.
A true competitor. Thank you, I'll never forget that.

Blogger

Today I got home from practice, hopped online and checked facebook as I usually do. I saw I had an honesty box message, which is always interesting. This one said something along the lines of more blog posts please.
This made me feel good because it's nice to know people actually read this and enjoy reading it and hearing about some things that I'm thinking about. Unfortunately I can't write everyday due to homework and other things that just keep me busy. I promise I'll write this weekend.
Also, and this comes because the message I got was anonomous, even if you don't know me feel free to talk to me about anything I have written. As the people who know me best understand, I love talking about anything, especially deeper things such as are posted on this blog. I'm sorry I don't always have time to pour things out on here, but always feel free to give me a call or whatever and talk to me about anything you want or feel the need too. I like being here for people, it's what I do.

Going Through the Motions

First of all some people may not know what "going through the motions" means so I'll start by explaining that. It's basically when you do things just to do them and don't have any real passion, energy, or focus being put into the action. I've heard it said by coaches over the years, to go through each drill with a purpose instead of going through the motions. Sometimes in life you go through a period of time where you just go through the motions.
This usually isn't fun. I'm kinda doing this now, but not fully. When it happens in life it is usually because you don't have much to look forward to in the near future or you don't understand what reason you have to be happy or excited. You get your schoolwork done but not to the best of your ability, or maybe you go to practice but don't work as hard as you can. Whatever you are doing, it isn't as fully satisfying as it could be. When this happens people are more so waiting for something to come along in their life than anything else.
Instead of waiting for something great to just come along, work hard to make other things improve. This may lead to that something great occurring as a result of your work. At the least it will keep you busy and make this period of time worth it.
Always remember at least that eventually something will come along and make your world exciting again. Soon enough an amazing person will walk into your life, or an exciting event will occur and change things, killing the apathy and making things exciting again.

Finally Broke

Today is the first day of my high school career in which I have stayed home sick. The thing is I didn't throw up like I told everyone. I finally broke. I couldn't handle it and I needed a day off. I'm not proud, I'm actually very upset at losing perfection.
I guess the real reason I'm home is to finish up my shit loads of schoolwork that I failed to complete last night. This being my math project and the next milestone for my research paper. But I look at it deeper than that. Why could i not finish my work last night? I have been one of the greatest procrastinators in the world and yet one day i just give up? I preach fighting on and yet one day I stop?
I find the reason to be that for the first time my heart has a big enough hole to end some fight in me. She wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't take me back as her friend. It's all I could think about last night and it's why eventually I had to go tell my mom, "look I can't do this, can i stay home from school?" After she told me yes and we talked a little I went back to my room. This is where I imagine someone would give the fist pump after having gotten out of work for a day. But this is where I broke down and cried. Part of it was losing perfection. Yeah I guess perfect attendance isn't that important, but it was to me because it was something almost nobody else could do and it was something that was perfect. That's part of why the tears rolled down my face, but the other reason is her. Not only did I fuck up bad, but its not going to go away until I fix it. I have to fix something that seems impossible to fix at this point because otherwise my life is going to be shit for a while.
I hope this hole in my heart either gets filled or at least grows smaller because I have promised myself, my cancer-surviving-mom, and the world that this is my last time giving up. The one who preaches fighting will fight on forever and will help you to fight too.

Pretty Good Indicator

There's no way anyone could disagree that I miss her. The one who I'd love to go out with, but yet I know I have to be friends with her just from this morning. The way I know it's just about being friends is the fact that I'm being ripped to shreds just knowing I can't talk to her for one more day.
I have so much work that I need to get done. Yet the first thing that happens when I wake up is I feel like absolute shit as her name pops into my head and I see my phone that usually goes off 200 times a day thanks to her alone, knowing that her name won't light up there once today. Yesterday was the only time I thought I would cry about this, especially after I made the plans to talk to her at school. But know as I realize, shit I still can't focus on my god damn math project (yea math project, I agree wtf), I also realize she's why and who knows how upset I'm going to be today.
The only reason I got out of bed today is because I have to work on my project otherwise I won't sleep for a second tomorrow. I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to sleep until I could have a chance to further impress dimples on my best friend's face.
Another way you can start to understand how much this is bothering me: I wrote about it. Most of my blogs are about more universal feelings. I write about my current feeling less specifically so people can understand it happens a lot. This feeling may happen again, but this is the first time I have felt this. I can't help but make this one specific and that's why tomorrow morning I'm going to get my best friends back and tell her again we will be best friends forever and know in my mind that's also the only way we could ever be more. Plus I can't live without her in my life, and best friend is a pretty damn good place for her.

A Tough Law

This is something that I don't think I will ever be able to accept, but it is a true thing. You can want something too much, and if in fact you do want it too much then the world or God won't let you have it.
I think the reason for this is that if you want something extremely badly, then your success in attaining it would make you too happy for the world to accept. The laws of the universe state that you cannot be that happy. Its not the level of the thing you want, its just your want that would make you so happy once having finally attained it. There may be something better out there for you, but gaining this possibly lesser thing would make you happier because you want it that badly.
I hate this law because of what is happening to me right now, as well as for other things that have happened and things I know will happen. But right now it's because there is a girl who I could have the perfect relationship with, but I can only be her "bestest friend." Yes she loves me, but not in the way I want, not in the way that would make my life so great it would break the laws of the universe. Right now we aren't even best friends because I broke down emotionally not being able to handle the fact that she still didn't like me the way I wanted. After crying continuously for 15 minutes because I kept remembering her saying, "You gave me dimples. I didn't have them before, but you make me smile that much," I realized that swallowing the pain is worth the love we share as best friends. And in this friendship that will last forever, who knows, maybe someday we will go out. But first I need to go regain that friendship which I will do in person the next morning in which we have school.
It's weird because people always tell you, "It's about how much you want it." But that's not true the way they mean it. Yes, you have to want something to get it and have it mean something, but if you want it too much then the world says no because your happiness would break the rules.

Change

So it is said that everything changes. For the most part I agree, there are somethings that don't change whether it is good or bad. This post isn't to refute or support that, however, I was thinking more about how change is usually inevitable and what it means. Change can suck, but it can also be good.
I'm not a big fan of change, or at least I haven't been for most of my life. I like knowing that something or someone is there for me and no matter what will be. Unfortunately change can change that. Change takes things away, whether it be by changing the feeling of someone you love and taking him or her away or whether it be by your favorite restaurant closing. When you lose something yes you do have great memories, maybe it be a special moment, a kiss perhaps. And yes you can play that moment in your head an infinite amount of times. The thing is, you miss it. Missing something is one of the most frustrating things in life especially when there is no chance of bringing what you miss back. This is why change can suck. Change creates the frustration of missing some time in your life, or something, or someone.
What I realized today is that you can take change optimistically too. If things are going bad you can realize that things always change. Usually when people think about how change affected them when they are sad it makes things worse, they begin to miss things. But what I'm saying is take it the other way. Things will change again, things will become better. Just as change takes someone you love away it can add a new someone you love into your life. All the things it can take it can also add.
Yes change can suck. But before you start hoping the sun doesn't rise and things stay the same, remember change can bring good. And it does.

Hard but Sure vs. Easier yet Questioning

When you have a problem in life I've noticed there are two main types of things that happen. Now when I say problem, I don't mean what to wear to school. I'm talking about a problem that will affect you fairly strongly. One situation is knowing what is right, but knowing it is a hard task. The other is having options that may not be as difficult in the first situation, but it is not clear which option will make things better for you.
In the "easy yet questioning" situation, I find things harder to deal with. If you don't pick the right course of action you might end up losing something or someone you really care for. Situations like this create the weekends where I wake up thinking about it, sit around all day talking to people about it, and go to bed still thinking about it. I always think about it for as long as possible and go back and forth about 13 trillion times before my decision is made in the moment it has to be made based off where I am at that moment. While it may not be hard to do whatever the decision is, the decision could mean failure and hurt. I am the type of person who cares a lot about each thing and especially each individual person in my life. This leads me to analyze these situations for so long that it drains me and no matter what happens, the situation will have hurt me.
The "hard but sure" situation is the one that I would almost always rather have. I like having the directions laid out for me, even if they are difficult ones to follow. Yes these situations make me think and talk to friends about it too, but in the end I know what I must do is for the better. I've had friends come to me saying, I know that I can't talk to him right now, that waiting like he said will make things alright, but I just can't do it. I tell them to fight. That's mostly what these things take, is fight. That's something I have pumping through my veins and something that lives in my heart. I'm the kid who plays until the clock says 0:00 no matter what the score. That's why the situations are easier for me. I do believe that everyone can through any hard time, it just may require more outside motivation for some. At least in this you have a sense of what will make things right.
Some problems in life are just not easy. It's plain and simple. But for me at least, I would rather have directions that require a lot of fight than to leave it up to lengthy thinking about what could possibly help.

A Sad End, but my Beginning

I sat on the varsity bench yesterday in Bensalem, in my polo shirt and jeans taking in a night that I will never forget. This night was meant for me to learn, to get me ready for what I will hopefully be doing next year and the year after. It did just that. As I made my facebook status that night, I "will never forget the game, the sights, the sounds, the atmosphere, and mostly the emotion of tonight."
It was a night where I didn't really want to be a presence, I was there more to sit back and take it all in. I did just that. In the locker room before the game I watched how everyone prepared and then listened to every word Nolan and the rest of the coaches spoke. With 30 minutes on the clock the team went out to get some shots up for 7 minutes before coming back for the real pregame speeches. Before everyone went out Coach Nolan told me and Timmy to stand behind the basket while they warmed up and to take it in, he said it's important for you guys to understand what is going on. So we went out and after a couple minutes Bensalem came out too. This is when I began to realize that I did need to have this experience before I could play in a game like this myself. When Bensalem came out I was scared and nervous and I was to play no role in this outcome. Their team was huge and athletic and much more intimidating in person than they seemed on film. After all the warmups and stuff the game was about to begin and i noticed the crowd as they started to make noise. Noise that would not stop the whole game, and noise that would get three times as loud when they dunked twice. The game was unbelievable, emotional all over and one of the best games I have ever watched. That was very important for me, but the basketball IQ stuff can be talked about elsewhere. The important thing is the end because it affected the emotions at the end of the game and created images that I will never forget as long as I love.
We were down 5 with about 12 seconds when Hobson missed a three which was rebounded by Sean McGough who made one of the craziest shots I have ever seen. He turned around dribbled backwards three steps to the 3 pt line, jumped up, spun around, got fouled, and somehow made the shot. He missed the free throw which was rebounded by Brian Palmerer who missed a layup. That was rebounded by Sean whose layup barely rolled out and we lost by two. It almost brought me to tears and I was just there to watch.
The locker room after the game is really where I got to see some of the most important things, things that will remember every time I touch a basketball from now on. The words Nolan and the other coaches spoke will stick. So will the tears I saw in many an eye. As will the words still written on the board and everything else in that room.
There were two key moments though that were extremely powerful to me. The first was a conversation between Coach Wise and Sean McGough. Coach was telling him how he also had a shot like that in which he also missed. He said it will be there before you close your eyes at night and you will replay it in your head a million times. He said eventually one thing will change. Sean said jokingly, "It goes in?" Wise smiled and said, "No, but you realize the ball was in your hands. You didn't watch it, you had the chance yourself." This he means in a good way. Thank God for at least having that opportunity. They gave each other a hug and Sean walked away. Wise saw me standing there and turned and said, "I don't want to hug you like that. Not under these circumstances." I will do my best to make sure that it is different, that we are celebrating when we hug, not dealing with a loss.
The second moment was with the other McGough twin, Kevin. Here is a text i sent my friend on the bus going home referring to this moment: "His eyes. The tears. The look he gave me when he put out his hand and said Kevin Cox you got it next year." I almost cried looking him in the eyes as he spoke those words with red rings around his eyes himself.
All the emotion of that locker room has prepared me so much for my future. This was one of the most powerful nights of my life. My turn is coming soon and I know that night will be twice as emotional when it is the end for me too.

A Little Extra Time

So it turns out that my season was not over as soon as i thought. In fact the the day that i wrote my last blog about it being over, i got a call at about 9 pm from Coach Nolan. He asked for me to practice with the varsity as they prepare for their district game which is tomorrow. No I did not gain an extra game, but the practice time i got this week and the experience of being at the game (and close to it; may be on the bench, not sure) have and will help me.
The point of this was for me to get a feel for what varsity basketball is like. I will be competing for the starting point guard spot next year and this has and will help me to be able to achieve my goals and be prepared. Who knows what will happen with that, all i know is that i will do my best to win that job and to help win basketball games for Great Valley.
Just as i began to mourn the loss of this season, one call, a call much happier than the others i had previously that sunday night, gave me a little more of what i love...another week of basketball.

The Worst Part of a Season: The End

No matter how the season ends, whether it be with a loss (as it usually is) or with a victory and a championship, the worst part of every season is the end. Winning it all does make it much more enjoyable. However at the end of every season I find myself either in tears or very close to it for how much I am going to miss what has been an extremely large part of my life over the part few months.
Even if you and your teammates have an unsuccessful season, there are many things to miss. The most obvious is just playing the game. My last JV basketball game was on Friday (a loss to Rustin). I already miss the game. Every day I looked forward to basketball. Even practice. I didn't care how much we had to run or whatever, I love playing the game and that is why i started to miss it the second the clock hit 0:00 on Friday night. Yes there is next year and the off season. It is exciting because i am about to be a varsity basketball player, but i will miss my JV season.
The part that really gets to me, that brings me to tears because i miss it the most is the loss of a family that you have gained. It may be cliche or overstated, but your team is your family. Day in and day out you spend a couple hours with that group of people. This includes your teammates as well as your coach by the way. Not only are you spending time with them, but you are giving everything you have to work toward a common goal. Your sweat and blood is put into the same thing. And i do mean blood. You can take a look at my shoes or my practice jersey and see that. Ultimately you are brought together in a way unimaginable to those who haven't experienced it. The end of the season is where i realize how much i loved spending time playing a game that i love with my teammates and coach, who are now family.
I hate the end of a season. I miss all the great things about a team. I'll miss getting yelled at for turnovers and all those things that don't seem enjoyable. I miss this, but i will never forget the things i have learned and i will make sure i keep my teammates and coach as friends.
The end of the season is also the beginning of the next however, and I have work to do before I can step out on that court next year as Coach Nolan's point guard, a varsity point guard.

This is Why we Fight

The most recent time period in my life has been great. I am very happy with what is going on in my life and what has been going on recently. I've been realizing that I was completely right during the period of time before that where i was hardly happy. I was right because I knew that if i fought through the bad time there were great things to come. And thank god I was right.
This year (meaning school year) things hadn't always been going so great. I hated the fall because all i did was fuck stuff up with 2 people (i think 2, but we are good friends now) that i liked and wish for basketball to come while going through off season workouts. Then things got worse as my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Then i messed things up with another person who i really liked, but that ended up being ok because we are such good friends now. And then basketball was finally here. We were hyped up to be the best JV team around and had thoughts of an undefeated season. Well that can't happen when you lose you're first game. And then start off 1-4.
So obviously things turned around since I'm happy now. And as usual it seems to parallel to sports. The team turned around. As of now, as i write these words, we have won 11 of our last 12, including a win over a team that the league thought nobody could beat, giving us a record of 12-5. During this time my mom beat cancer. She is a survivor. That's something i can forever brag about. The last thing that happened is also amazing. I have a girlfriend. Had her since January 18th officially and I'm loving it. It's a new experience to me, but one that i welcome. Today is her birthday and thanks to the snow i don't have a chance to celebrate it with her, but i will tomorrow for sure and i can't wait. Soon basketball will be over and that will make me really sad. I hate the end of a season, but i know i will still be happy overall because of her.
I love being right, yes this is true. But this is something that I LOVE being right about. Yes there are bad periods of time in everyone's life, and mine aren't over either. But i guarantee you that if you fight through them, things get good and it is damn well worth it.

It's pretty much Equal if you Let it Be

In my last blog i alluded to my next topic, yea sorry that took a while but here it is now.
It seems to me that everybody believes that life isn't fair or that life is bad overall. I disagree. I think that life is almost equal if you let it be. By "let it be" i mean two things.
The first thing i mean refers to your decisions. I don't necessarily mean a smaller decision like what do i wear today; i mean a decision more like committing a major crime. Going to jail obviously could screw up the balance of your life and make the world say he or she doesn't get the near equality anymore. AS long as you make fairly decent decisions your life should keep this equality.
The other thing i mean be "let it be" deals with why you probably still don't think life can be equal. People have a major tendency to let the bad outweigh the good and that's why life is seemingly fair. If you really enjoy the good things and do a decent job in coping with the bad it does equal out. Just think about that. I can think of close to the same amount of great things that have happened to me as terrible. Losing sucks, i know. Losing a person, losing anything sucks, but people know that more than they seem to notice and share how great it is to win and gain. It's like i said before about not realizing when everything is good. Right now in my life almost everything is good and i am really enjoying it because i realize it. I thank God for this time because and it again reinforces to me that there is equality in life if you let it happen.